Q: Why does a traffic light turn red?
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you’d turn red, too.
Car Identity Crisis:
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a parking lot.
Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: Don’t look, I’m changing.
NY Traffic School Exam Answers
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Favorite Traffic One Liners:
*Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place in line.
*Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people trying to get to whatever you’re trying to get away from.
*The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off …. even then, you’re cutting it close.
*Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.
*You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment.
*During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car driving next to you.
*Our highways have become insane asylums with turn signals.
*You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic. You’re glad for the opening, but you wonder who died.
Favorite Blonde Driver Jokes:
Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
A: Her blinker was on.
Blonde Rides Shotgun:
Two girls speed down the highway at 90 mph.
“Hey,” asks the brunette at the wheel. “Do you see any cops following us?”
The blonde turns around. “As a matter of fact, I do.”
“Damn!” says the brunette. “Are his flashers on?”
The blonde turns around again. “Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup.”
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license.
“You cops should get it together,” she said. “One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it to you.”
Some of our favorite traffic jokes:
Charlie Viracola, License Plate Number
Your cell phone number [should] be the same as your license plate number, so if you drive like a jackass, we can call you up.
Bob Nickman, Strobe Headlines:
Put strobe headlights in my car to make the deer run slower.
Andrew Kennedy, Dad Is Losing His Mind:
Last time they were visiting, he got pulled over by a cop and, in the middle of getting the ticket, politely disagreed and drove away.
Bill Keller, Blinker On:
Another sign of getting older just started happening to me. Driving down the highway, I saw my blinker was on. I don’t remember putting that thing on. I had no idea how long it had been on for. You suddenly realize, ‘I’m the guy I used to hate to be behind.’